In the first part of this three-part series, Lic. Rodrigo Rodríguez provided eight humorous and poignant tips for adapting to Yucatecan life. Here are nine more. The series concludes in the Nov. 15 print edition of MID-POINT…//
- Be ready to fall in love again, with the peace and quiet that you will enjoy; even in the most hectic neighborhood of Merida’s downtown, you will find yourself finally with the ambiance and quality time to rediscover why you chose the person you tied your destiny with. You will be surprised of all that you have accomplished together surrounded by romantic colonial homes, cobbled streets with charming cafes and awaiting trio musicians ready to sing any song you name, with the most romantic Yucatecan music witnessing memorable seashore sunsets that will make you think, it was all worth it.
10. Do not worry about bringing Viagra, it is available anywhere. (Related to number 9.)
11. Do not mess with a Yucatecan. Family is a very important institution and a large one; you mess with one and you mess with everybody. Legend has it that each Yucatecan has officially (or not) about 25 brothers and sisters who will eventually marry the other 25 brothers and sisters, so we are all related. We generally live in clusters; how so many people manage to live in a small home is still a subject of international anthropological study. We like to do everything together; we travel in herds especially on weekends and holidays. And in case of a car accident or any sort of crisis, we come up from nowhere to help our relatives in an average time of 25 seconds which will beat any consular help. Remember no war has ever brought peace. PR works wonders, do not underestimate the power of a beer invitation. In case something gets serious, use a lawyer. (I can recommend one.)
12. If you have never eaten hot sauce, get away from Chile Habanero, now!!! It will literary kill you. Mexicans can because our mothers put them inside our bottles after breastfeeding. In case you mistakenly had some and suffered unbearable pain, hurry and do something fun. You still have about 8 hours to enjoy life as you know it and suffer a terrible episode once again after digestion but this time coming out from an unexpected place. This time get some ice near your toilet.
13. There is not such a thing as punctuality in Yucatan. Nobody expects you to be punctual, so why do you? Setting a time is more like an earth reference of good will, we will eventually show up on a strip between 30 minutes to an hour. So see you at 5 means 5:01, 5:02, ……up to 5:59. It is still five, isn’t it? (That only applies for the general population, doctors and notaries do not engage in the above described behavior…. they will take more than an hour.)
- Do not buy your home from a Real Estate Company run by a foreigner. Yucatecans have never used them, and we have managed to survive during 470 years. Well, we do use them, not to buy but to sell since they somehow achieve to do it three or four times as much as its humanly fair price. If you like a house, buy it as we have always done: get the Diario de Yucatan or speak to the old lady owner of the “tendejon” on the corner. She knows everything and will happily tell you every detail and story of any potential home that might go on the market.
- If you have a gringo face, Yucatecans will tend to charge you more. We wrongly believed you made in your life 50 dollars per hour while we make 50 dollars per week, IF we have a job. We have this crazy stereotype of Kim Kardashian spending fortunes on drugs, so a couple of more pesos for a cab ride or a simple repair won’t harm anybody. If you do not want to face this unfair but common Yucatecan practice and you don’t want to be overcharged, try to look less wealthy, wear more rags and learn Spanish fast, so you can tell people how little your pension is and how unfair life was with you so we start feeling some kind of sympathy. (This advice has been given to you for free.)
- Be ready to put on weight. Yucatecan food is irresistible, cheap and it is proven to cause heavy addiction. You know that you are becoming Mexican when you also feel insulted by the cartoony version of a taco from taco bell.
- Be ready to lose some weight. With the excess of heat, you will be sweating out your sexiness more than you used to back home; therefore you will be wearing fewer clothes, and also with all the extra time you will be enjoying. This will be a perfect combination to reactivate your sex life. (With or without your current partner.)
Check out the final installment of Lic. Rodrigo Rodríguez’s humorous tips on Surviving Yucatan in the Nov. 15 print edition of MID-POINT.
